At Peace
by Flynne
Summary: In the midst of pain and confusion and fear, Raphael finds his center.


_Title prompt from tumblr. The prompt was "At Peace", and this is what my brain kicked out. Set in 2012 season 1, shortly after The Pulverizer. Written quite a while ago, so if some things don't 100% jive with how the show went, 'tis not my fault. I didn't know how things were gonna go._ XD

* * *

At Peace

Raph knew he was in trouble the minute he felt the sting in the back of his shoulder. Even before his hand closed around the smooth, cylindrical object lodged next to his shell, even before he pulled it free and saw that it was a light syringe fired from a dart gun, he felt the fiery tingle of a foreign substance soaking into the muscle, and he knew that unless he could get away - and get away _fast_ \- things were going to get very bad very quickly.

So he ran. He plowed through the knot of enemy ninja and sent them flying like bowling pins, and he ran.

He couldn't run fast enough. Even as he ran, he could feel the heat spreading down his arm and up his neck - and then he was burning, all over he was burning, and his vision blurred. He gave one last desperate leap for a nearby fire escape, but his numb fingers slipped from the rung and he fell. He struck against a dumpster with enough force to rattle him even through his shell. His stomach twisted and he lurched to his hand and knees as he vomited. His shaking limbs collapsed beneath him, and then he was down.

The world warped and sparkled in his vision, and his hands clawed at the asphalt beneath him, trying to find purchase. Any moment now, he knew the ground would buck him off and hurl him into space, and then he'd be lost, lost and drifting, and he'd never get home.

When the hands closed around his arms, he nearly sobbed in relief, because it meant that something was holding him down and he wouldn't float away. But the firm grip turned crushing and his arms were wrenched behind him. Someone stepped in front of him, a blur of slick magenta and shining metal hovering in front of his eyes _._ He was struck across the face, and words slithered into his ears and echoed in his skull _("Well, well, well...looks like Stockman was right. He_ _ **did**_ _manage to weaponize your venom. Maybe now the master won't slice you into sashimi." "At least I have some use, you great overgrown mongrel!")_ but the words held no meaning for him, and his dilated eyes darted around frantically, looking for help.

But no one came, and the bricks in the walls blinked at him with stony eyes and the dumpster was laughing - or was the laughing coming from the ones who held him? - and then someone jammed a black hood over his head and he was plunged into darkness, and he wondered if perhaps he'd been hurled into space anyway.

He was dropped to the ground an indeterminate amount of time later, and the hood was ripped away. Bright light flooded his vision, breaking apart into millions of splinters that buried themselves in his eyes. A heavy foot slammed into his shell, knocking him onto his stomach. Rough hands seized him again, tugging at his limbs. When they finally let him go and he tried to get away, he discovered that he couldn't move. Cold manacles locked around his wrists and held his hands behind him. The chain scraped against his carapace and linked down to the shackles hobbling his ankles.

His vision was starting to clear - still hazy but less shivery around the edges, and Raphael became aware enough to take note of his surroundings. He was in a small room without any furniture. There were no windows. He had no idea how long he'd been carried or how far they'd come, and his stomach clenched - from both fear and lingering nausea - as he realized he had no way of knowing where he was or how to let his brothers know where to find him.

The door swung open. Raph swallowed hard, fighting the urge to shrink back as the Shredder entered the room, flanked by Dogpound and Xever. The Shredder strode forward until he was right in front of him, planting the toe of his boot against Raph's shoulder and giving a firm shove to topple the turtle onto his back. Raph clenched his teeth as he landed on his bound wrists, biting back the grunt of pain that threatened to escape.

"Good work," the Shredder said over his shoulder. "For once, the two of you accomplished what I asked of you." He stared down at Raphael through his mask, eyes narrowed in cold satisfaction. "Will it talk?"

A voice came from the doorway: "Not like this." Raph's eyes narrowed as he saw Baxter Stockman tiptoe hesitantly into the room and look critically at him from around the Shredder's shoulder. "The venom's wearing off fairly quickly. He won't tell us anything now."

"Just let me bite him," Xever said impatiently. "He didn't bounce back so fast the last time."

Stockman tutted impatiently. "Oh, that's a _brilliant_ idea...If you want an idea that will fail. If you bite him, the venom will last longer, but it'll probably kill him before he has a chance to tell us anything. My modifications might shorten how long the venom stays in his system, but at least it's not lethal."

The Shredder waved a gauntleted hand in Raph's direction. "Keep him under the influence of the venom until he tells us what we want to know."

Stockman gulped nervously. "Uh...well, sir, it's just that...well, the weaponized venom _shouldn't_ be lethal, but I don't exactly _know_ what repeated doses will do."

"Then now is your chance to find out," came the grim reply.

Raph _did_ try to pull back then, as Stockman advanced on him with a syringe in his hand. But he was hampered by the chains and already backed into a corner, and he had nowhere to go. He tried to sweep his legs out together to knock the scientist off his feet, but he'd forgotten the chain linking his wrists and ankles. The kick wrenched his shoulders back with enough force to make him growl in pain, and Stockman took advantage of the distraction to jam the needle into his thigh.

Raph lunged forward in an attempt to headbutt Stockman. Stockman skittered back out of the way and the syringe went flying across the room, but it was too late. The muscle of his leg burned, and before long he could feel the fire spreading. He glared defiantly back at the Shredder until his vision blurred and he got lost in the sinister vortex of color.

He couldn't see. Darkness and light blinded him by turns. There were voices over his head: " _Where is Hamato Yoshi? Where is Splinter?"_

The world was too much, too bright, he couldn't see, he couldn't _breathe_ , fear and anger rose in his throat to choke him...

 _ **Let it flow over you. Like a river over stone.**_

Hands touched him lightly, brushing almost gently over pressure points that caused him to twist in pain. Hands struck him heavily, leaving him huddled on the floor, breathless and bruised. He thought he saw cockroaches swarming out of the walls.

 _ **Like a river over stone.**_

" _Where is Hamato Yoshi?"_

He closed his eyes, pictured water, imagined the ripples flowing over his shell..and, impossibly, the chaos around him began to fade. Clarity still eluded him, slipping through his mind like oil, but the worst of the pain and fear couldn't reach him.

Whenever his thoughts started to clear, he felt the familiar hot sting in his leg or his arm, and he knew he should avoid it, knew it was bad, but he couldn't get away because his arms and legs were caught in something cold and heavy and he couldn't shake free and he wanted his _brothers…_

" _What if we just turned him loose? He'd have to go somewhere...who's to say he wouldn't go home? We could follow him."_

" _No. You've underestimated these creatures before. I won't take the risk of losing him."_ The Shredder loomed over him in a mountain of metal and blades, lifting a foot to kick him back against the wall again. He tried to curl into a ball to protect himself, but his shackled limbs wouldn't let him. His shoulders and his knees ached, and churning nausea spiked in his gut.

" _You've tried it your way, and it hasn't worked. I told you it wasn't going to work!"_

" _Did you, Xever?"_ The words weren't directed at Raphael, but the menace in the deep voice caused him to shudder all the same. " _And what would you suggest?"_

" _Let me cut him. I'll get you the information you want."_

" _Very well. But don't kill him."_ The Shredder left the room, dark cape swirling around him like a storm cloud.

Gears whined in mechanical knees, and in his wavering eyesight, Raph could see Xever getting closer. He saw the flash of light on a knife blade as it twirled in Xever's hands, and cold panic fluttered in his chest, freezing his lungs. He couldn't breathe. A scaly hand clamped on his shoulder and razor-sharp teeth slick with venom gleamed inches from his eyes. " _I'm going to enjoy this."_

The fear was a choking fog, he'd suffocate before the first touch of the knife...

" _Where should I start, eh?"_ Pain in his arm, hot and sharp, and the heat trickled down his skin in red rivulets. " _Feel like talking, little turtle? Feel like telling us where you live? You will by the time I'm done with you."_

Terror tore at him with savage claws.

 _ **Like a river over stone.**_

The chaos of the world faded. He felt his pulse - rapid and panicked, but regular nonetheless - felt his heart beating, the blood rushing in his veins, flowing like a river, steady and strong.

" _Maybe I should cut that mask off, no?"_ The edge of the knife rested coldly against the side of his face. His own blood dripped off the blade onto his skin.

 _ **Like a river over stone.**_

 _Sensei..._

Sudden darkness, sudden noise - the knife whizzed past his face, and Xever bellowed in rage. Something slammed into him and he crashed into the wall with a clatter of chains. Hands grabbed him again and he thrashed against the confining grip, trying to get away -

" _Raph! Raph, it's okay, it's me!"_ Hands cupping his face, holding his head steady in the disorienting darkness. " _We've got you, buddy, just hang on. Mikey, hurry it up with those locks."_

The shackles around his wrists fell away, and he surged forward, blindly reaching, falling.

Someone caught him.

The chains around his ankles were loosed next, and then he was lifted from the ground. The world tilted around him but he was grounded, he was secure. He could hear the familiar sound of a wooden staff raining destruction on attackers, could hear the sinister hum of whirling nunchucks broken by the thud of crippling strikes.

The arms encircling him tightened. " _It's okay, Raph. I've got you."_

 _ **Like a river over stone.**_

He closed his eyes and let the current sweep him away.

* * *

Raphael woke slowly, blinking drowsily in a dimly-lit room. His head was pounding, and his stomach cramped painfully, but his vision was focused and his mind was clear. It was then he realized he was sprawled out on his stomach, and the pillow he'd been using was in the middle of Leonardo's lap. His arms encircled Leo's waist, clinging to his sleeping brother as if he were a giant green teddy bear.

"Raphael?" Splinter's quiet voice made him turn his head, fully taking in his surroundings for the first time. He was in his own bed. Leo had fallen asleep sitting up against Raph's headboard, propped up with a pillow behind his back. His arm rested on Raph's shell, and Splinter had evidently been sitting in a chair beside the bed while his sons slept.

Splinter reached out and very gently rested his hand on Raph's head. "How do you feel?"

"Uh…" The word caught in his parched throat, and he swallowed painfully. Splinter rose from his seat and left the room, returning a short time later with a cup of water. Raph carefully extricated himself from beneath Leo's arm and sat up. Leo sighed a little in his sleep but didn't wake.

Raph's hands shook when he reached out to take the cup, and he had to hold it in both hands to keep from dropping it. As soon as the water touched his tongue, he realized how thirsty he was, and he gulped down the entire glass without pausing to breathe. "Can I have some more?" he asked, handing the cup back to his father.

"Perhaps not right away," Splinter replied. "When your brothers brought you home, you were very sick. You had trouble keeping water down."

Raph dropped his gaze. His eyes settled on his wrists. They were scraped and bruised. A bandage encircled his right arm where Xever had cut him. His shoulders still throbbed with a dull ache from having his arms restrained behind his back.

Splinter sighed, rising from his chair and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Raph climbed over Leo's outstretched legs to sit beside him, willingly leaning against Splinter's side as his father draped an arm around his shoulders.

"How long was I gone?"

"Three days."

Raph shrugged. "Not _that_ long." He tried to speak lightly, but the words dropped heavily into the silence the moment they left his mouth.

"Long enough." Splinter's voice was almost a growl, and his arm tightened around Raph's shoulders.

"Yeah." Raph couldn't remember the last time his father had held him like this, but his usual desire for independence was trumped by the remembered fear and pain. "Shredder wanted to know where they could find you. I didn't tell him." He paused a moment before saying quietly, "I did that trick you taught me. Letting everything flow over me. It helped."

Splinter's breath caught, and Raph felt a tremor run through him. "That was not the purpose I had in mind when I taught you," he said, voice sounding tight and choked. "But...I am glad it helped you, my son." Raph pressed closer against Splinter with a sigh. He hadn't realized that his eyes had closed until Splinter roused him with a gentle shake. "You should rest, Raphael."

"I guess. But it seems like that's all I've been doing since I got home," he replied, glancing over his shoulder. Leo hadn't budged. "What's he doing in here, anyway?"

"You were...very agitated when your brothers brought you home. You refused to let go of him." Splinter couldn't bring himself to smile yet, but his face softened fondly as he met Raph's eyes.

"...Oh. I...I don't remember."

"I am not surprised. You were not very aware of your surroundings." Splinter gazed over at his slumbering son for a moment. "Shall I wake him?"

"Um. No. No, he can stay," Raph said slowly. He leaned against Splinter for just another moment before drawing away and tucking himself under his blankets again. He curled up with his back to Leo, close but not quite touching him. Splinter rested a hand lightly on his shoulder for just a moment, then turned off the lamp and slipped from the room without a sound.

Raph felt a subtle twinge of fear as he was left in the dark - even though he knew he was home and safe, it wasn't hard to wonder if perhaps this was an illusion as well. Perhaps the Shredder was waiting just on the other side of his mind, waiting for him to surface, waiting with Xever and his knife…

But Raph could still feel the strong warmth of his father's arm around his shoulders. He could still feel his brother's calming presence behind him, soaking into him like rain into parched ground, and the last of his fear and doubt were washed away.

Raphael slept.


End file.
